i will survive

last night i went out with mr.C. we played some chess and had a mild conversation, nothing big or deep. just chit-chat. :D i won 2 times and let him win one game :P ...ego..
next thing i know the pub we were in was filled with our friends. there were 4 of them, surrounding us from every angle! they said that they had made plans and me & mr.C were in them. OK then! i'm in! (as usual)
so we went to play some pool and we were down to 4 people. (mr.c is a stupid name... his name is actually Crefy, but i call him - Cref) cref and alvin shot some pool, because they had the money. I and madis in the other hand... well, we didn't. so, as we kinda hanged around the table we came up with a game that we gracefully named: HOBO! name comes from the circling-around-the-table-and-checking-the-wholes-for-balls (like they were bottles in a garbage can) movement. it's fun to play.
next stop was a bench basically around the corner from the place we played HOBO in. we were so in to that theme of homeless guys, that we didn't care we had a warm place to go to. instead we chilled on a bench drinking scotish leader. whiskey like real hobos! so we drank and chatted and drank and chatted and suddenly it was 1:30 am.
in the morning i didn't feel good. i didn't get much sleep. sleeping is the kind of activity that has not been around lately. somehow i haven't slept enough so i feel tired all the time. NOW, this morning i mean, i also have a slight hangover and my stomach feels funny. i was pissed at myself. now i really felt like a bum. instead of walking to school, i asked my dad to take me there).
first class was the stupid-ass moronically hard "labor law" lead by an imbecile skinny senile old-fart lady like figurette that i despise in ways not imaginable by any living creature still breathing. three hours in her lesson is pure PAIN!! so... there i was, in her class, already pissed off cuz i am a stupid son-of-a-not-so-bitch asshole. why did i go drinking on tuesday?! she starts with a speech about this being the last lesson for us and there is a HUGE test ahead. *sigh* ok, that's ok. i can handle that?! (-.-) next thing that goes down in the classroom: "...lennart, your last test was a 2 (the grade F if you are american)". FUCK! i hate when something like this goes down! why today?! but it doesn't stop there!!! then my phone rings. it's my "head-teacher" Maila. (before i tell you more, you should understand that this lesson is hard to follow, even when that zombie explains things) "Len you have to go and give an interview to this local radio station. LIVE! you have to be there in an hour or so..." i was like WTF?! i knew that i have to give that speech about some local event sooner or later (thursday to be exact). WHY NOOOOOOOOW?!?! can't it wait?! i can not miss any of these tortuous classes!!!! ARGHH!!!
so, it's the first 15 minute brake after 1 and a half hours in hell and this "school advisor of interests" comes to me and one of my comrades trying to persuade us into going to that stupid radio station TODAY! (-.-) FU WOMAN! are you intentionally trying to fuck up my already hard enough day?! it supposed to be tomorrow! read my lips: TO-MORROW!
after gentle choice of words, using my magnificent skill of charisma, we politely told her to piss off. today is not the day!
and back in the hellhole we went. i guess it took the teacher about 20 minutes to get really angry at us. i don't blame her. i have to admit: it is a delicate subject and hard to follow, but some in our class don't even try! so she goes up in flames with something like
"either those who can't shut the hell up leave, or i leave..." after some silence i saw this isn't going anywhere and i'm not in the mood for any of this. i stood up to leave cuz i knew those who could not keep their pie-holes sealed would follow. i knew they would leave if someone stood up before them, they just lack the courage to stand up first. the teacher locked the door behind us. i waited others to go away and went behind the door to catch the rest of the lesson.
when i returned to the area of safety for artists in my school (a place we like to call Dekoor) everyone was in my face with the queen shite. "you have to meet the embassador... blablabla.. do this and that..." I'M HUNGRY! and then we argued a little about basically nothing. silence followed. and some evil looks. "ok that's it! i'm going to the cafeteria and eat something. call me if you need me..."
I got a chance to cool down. Alvin was eating next to me and i told him what had happened so far. after lunch i had a cigarette. sorry babe. i had to. i needed that.
i re-entered dekoor. feeling a little better. searching for shelter. millions of thoughts running around in my head. i felt numb. maila would not let me leave, because "the people of the queen should be here any minute now". riiiiight. i have to say, i actually needed support at that moment. i really did. unfortunately, the person who could have had given me that support was not around. i felt alone.
Suddenly, a few hours later :D, there they were. the important guys. we shook hands and said hello etc. talked about stuff and then the principal goes something like "..hey. there was a change of plans. we think it's better if one or two guys showed the queen the art rooms instead of having one guy in every room who knows the room best blablablabla..." after realizing that i was one of the guys who has to really get up close and personal with the queen, i felt... fear. disappointment. and i started fading in and out. i was really angry with them! too much responsibility. but at least the meeting ended well. with somewhat positive emotions.
next thing in my list was to get a new haircut. i had time to catch some breath and enjoy the delicate hands of a hairdresser. it helped a lot.*sigh* it's still hard..
and the last bit. this ivo-guy needs his menu covers today! fuck! yet again i feel suffocated by my surrounding. i can't think straight. i'm nervous, edgy, irritated by everything, i say things i don't mean. feels like i'm going crazy! how should i make the covers? every idea has sucked so far. this guy is depending on me!!! arghh! i talked to my girl who was worried. and it seems i insulted her in a way i didn't mean. i'm sorry girl. really sorry! it's hard for me to get a grip right now. words just fly out and the thing i said meant that i need you beside me in situations like this. i need someone to lean on. and because it's hard for me to just BE ME right now. this day has been filled with thoughts of you. you wouldn't imagine! every 2nd thought is about you. about how much i want you to be with me. i feel so puny. it's like a closed circle - one thing leads to another and the other way around.
but i will survive!