28 profile views. Yei! Should i be happy? i mean, that isn't exactly a lot but still. i have not told most friends about this blog for more than one reason. one of them is the fact that i just may criticize them. but mostly because, they already know what has happened to me. so they do not have to read about it online. but still somehow i feel like i don't get enough views. i want more people to check out my blog! i am not in any way afraid to say it out loud! yeah! i want to torture more people with my boring life!
i had a couple of dry days. friday and saturday to be exact. thrilling weekend this has been! :D mostly i spent my time on sleeping.
weird dream i had today. about me and some friends of mine being on a cruise ship. we had to kill someone important for no reason and then escape from the ship. we had to dress up in diving suits and jump down from let's say... from the 5th floor? but in the end we escaped in a weird wooden ship and swam toward the sun so no one could see if our heads were out from the water. unfortunately i can't recall any details, but more or less that's how it went down.
BUT! today i drank! i'm honest here! i drank a little vodka and some wine. and right now, i'm tipsy. feeling is great!
Sunday, April 27, 2008
Friday, April 25, 2008
Saluut emakeelele
Mul on homme lõpukirjandi kirjutamine. Ei tea mis sellest saab. Kas läheb õnneks ja saan piisavalt punkte, et endale mitte endale mingit jama kaela tõmmata või läheb hoopis nii, et elu lõpuni on CV lisas häbiplekk 19 punkti näol. Tunne on nagu ei muretseks ma piisavalt selle suhteliselt tähtsa asja pärast. Eksam on tulemas ju ikkagi. See peaks mind maa peale tooma! Sittagi. Olen mina edasi. Sama loll ja laisk nagu alati. Mõtted ringi uitamas ja loll irve kogu aeg näos. Miks muretseda? Vähemalt ma proovin seda teha! Ma vähemalt proovin midagi saavutada, aga kahjuks väga häid tulemusi oodata küll ei ole. Need kes veel ei tea - ma ei loe raamatuid. See on üks väheseid faktoreid (aga see eest väga mõjuvõimas) mis seisab minu ja hea kirjandi punktiskoori vahel. Loodan küll ühte ja teist saavutada, aga olen piisavalt kahe jalaga maa peal, et mõista olukorra tõsidust. Kui ma ei ole kolme viimase aasta jooksul ühtegi raamatud läbi lugenud (tegu pole faktiga, aga ma arvan, et umbes nii peaks olema), ma pole tegelenud emakeelega umbes 4 kuud, sõpradega suhtlen poole ajast inglisekeeles ja ma käin kutsekoolis mis tähendab ühtlasi, et õppeprogramm ei ole arvestanud kirjandiga. Meie kooli lõpetajad peaks teoreetiliselt otse tööle minema. Pläma! Vaevalt! Vähemalt kunstnikud ei saa seda teha. Õudne kui lõdva kõik on! Kui seda kahe kuu pikkust praktikat ka 0lnud poleks, siis ei oskaks ma absoluutselt mitte midagi!
Teadagi, käisin praktikal Tallinnas. Sain sealt palju juurde. Rohkem kui ma algul loota oskasin või võiksin õelda, et isegi rohkem kui loota julgesin. Leidsin Tallinnast midagi imelist. Midagi mis aitab mind siia maani toime tulla kõige ümbritsevaga. Ma ei taha õelda, et ma muidu hakkama ei saaks, aga see üks asi on mind aidanud igast küljest. Võib natuke ehmatada, kui ma ütlen, et see ei ole minu kallim. See on hoopis enesekindlus. Julgus olla mina ja enda eest seista. Tänu sellele julgusele olen teinud otsuseid mida ma ei oskaks eales kahetseda. Olen teinud asju mille üle tunnen rohkem uhkust kui kommunist oma riigi üle. Tõsi, tänu sellele enesekindlusele mida Tallinn minusse süstis olen ma suutnud lahti õelda ühest pikast suhtest ja alustanud uut. See kord inimesega kes võttis mind esimesest silmapilgust sõnatuks. Esmalt ta küll lummas mind oma iluga, aga siis leidsin temas veel midagi rohkemat. Temas on sära mis kütkestab mind.
Ja nüüd ongi nii, et ma ei suuda millegile muule keskenduda. Lausa häbi tunnistada, et see tunne on hea. Ainuke asi mida ma ei kannata on see, et tema minust nii kaugel on. Vajan seda inimest vahetult ja tihti. Ta teab seda.
Aga ega elu ei koosne ainult kallimatest ja soojadest tunnetest. Räägin teile viimasest paarist päevast. Ausalt õeldes ma ei mäleta täpselt millest ma eelmises blogis rääkisin, aga praegu alustame eilsest.
Eile, neljapäeval, pidi toimuma bändi proov. See on meil iga neljapäev nii. Aga see kord ilmusid kohale ainult mina (kui keegi ei tea veel, siis mina mängin bassi) ja Henri (kitarrist). Istusime mingid minutid seal, tegime mõned korrad meie uue loo läbi ja jämmisime natuke. Tekkis mure, et kuhu kõik teised jäävad ja Henri helistaski nad üle. Nad ei tulnud. Seega tuju oli rikutud ja panimegi pillid kotti. Teel proovist ära, jalutas vastu Kaupo (trummar). Tegi imestunud näo pähe ja ei saanud aru kuhu me läheme. Ei olnud eriti tuju seletada. Sain parem kokku Crefyga. Ta viis mind dekoori. Seal sain kokku Hardi, Urmeti, Taneli ja Madisega. Läksime koos Jürka poe poole. Elina helistas ja tahtis minuga kokku saada, et napsutada. Sellise tuju peale nagu minul oli ei sobinud midagi paremini kui mingi odav peet! Kui seltskonna kokku olime saanud, läksime Crefy juurde. Tema vanemad olid kodust länud. Nädala lõpuni on ta üksi, kui ma valesti aru ei saanud. Seal saime olla vaid kuni 23:00. Rena (kes tuli Elinaga koos meie seltsi) pidi bussijaama oma kingadele vastu minema ja nad mõlemad pidid olude sunni öö minu pool veetma.
Hommikul ei saanud Elina algul end voodist lahti. Muud huvitavat ei olnud. Esimene tund oli graafika. Tegin oma linooliga 2 tõmmist. Seejärel läksin linna ema tööjuurde, lootes, et viimane juba seal on. Pidin tema käest järgmise tunni jaoks praktika lepingu võtma ja ka Elina maha jäetud telefoni. Jõudsin napilt täita lüngad oma lepingus enne selle kaitsmist. Kõik mõõdus hästi.
Täna olin Vallikraavi Veeralli ajal Suur Töll. Ürituse üks maskottidest. Teist aastat juba selles kostüümis. See aasta oli eriline, sest sain omale "naise" - Pireti. Üritus oli vahva. Kui autasustamine toimus, saime me "Piretiga" kahe peale espresso masina. See jääb arvatavasti dekoori, et järgmised kunstnikud saaksid turgutust peale pikki pidusid kui on vaja tundides pinke nühkida, aga silm ei seisa lahti, sest öösel "unustati" magada.
Peale selle ei olegi mul midagi lisada tänase päeva kohta. Ahjaa! Mul on tunne, et mu vanemad ei ole kursis, et ma homme kirjandit kirjutama lähen. Ulme. Ei hakka neile ütlema ka. Raudselt hakkavad veel moraali lugema ja pinda käime tekstiga, et miks sa end ette ei valmistanud jne. Lähen parem magama ja võtan asja rahulikult. Tuleb mis tuleb. Mina olen valmis.
Teadagi, käisin praktikal Tallinnas. Sain sealt palju juurde. Rohkem kui ma algul loota oskasin või võiksin õelda, et isegi rohkem kui loota julgesin. Leidsin Tallinnast midagi imelist. Midagi mis aitab mind siia maani toime tulla kõige ümbritsevaga. Ma ei taha õelda, et ma muidu hakkama ei saaks, aga see üks asi on mind aidanud igast küljest. Võib natuke ehmatada, kui ma ütlen, et see ei ole minu kallim. See on hoopis enesekindlus. Julgus olla mina ja enda eest seista. Tänu sellele julgusele olen teinud otsuseid mida ma ei oskaks eales kahetseda. Olen teinud asju mille üle tunnen rohkem uhkust kui kommunist oma riigi üle. Tõsi, tänu sellele enesekindlusele mida Tallinn minusse süstis olen ma suutnud lahti õelda ühest pikast suhtest ja alustanud uut. See kord inimesega kes võttis mind esimesest silmapilgust sõnatuks. Esmalt ta küll lummas mind oma iluga, aga siis leidsin temas veel midagi rohkemat. Temas on sära mis kütkestab mind.
Ja nüüd ongi nii, et ma ei suuda millegile muule keskenduda. Lausa häbi tunnistada, et see tunne on hea. Ainuke asi mida ma ei kannata on see, et tema minust nii kaugel on. Vajan seda inimest vahetult ja tihti. Ta teab seda.
Aga ega elu ei koosne ainult kallimatest ja soojadest tunnetest. Räägin teile viimasest paarist päevast. Ausalt õeldes ma ei mäleta täpselt millest ma eelmises blogis rääkisin, aga praegu alustame eilsest.
Eile, neljapäeval, pidi toimuma bändi proov. See on meil iga neljapäev nii. Aga see kord ilmusid kohale ainult mina (kui keegi ei tea veel, siis mina mängin bassi) ja Henri (kitarrist). Istusime mingid minutid seal, tegime mõned korrad meie uue loo läbi ja jämmisime natuke. Tekkis mure, et kuhu kõik teised jäävad ja Henri helistaski nad üle. Nad ei tulnud. Seega tuju oli rikutud ja panimegi pillid kotti. Teel proovist ära, jalutas vastu Kaupo (trummar). Tegi imestunud näo pähe ja ei saanud aru kuhu me läheme. Ei olnud eriti tuju seletada. Sain parem kokku Crefyga. Ta viis mind dekoori. Seal sain kokku Hardi, Urmeti, Taneli ja Madisega. Läksime koos Jürka poe poole. Elina helistas ja tahtis minuga kokku saada, et napsutada. Sellise tuju peale nagu minul oli ei sobinud midagi paremini kui mingi odav peet! Kui seltskonna kokku olime saanud, läksime Crefy juurde. Tema vanemad olid kodust länud. Nädala lõpuni on ta üksi, kui ma valesti aru ei saanud. Seal saime olla vaid kuni 23:00. Rena (kes tuli Elinaga koos meie seltsi) pidi bussijaama oma kingadele vastu minema ja nad mõlemad pidid olude sunni öö minu pool veetma.
Hommikul ei saanud Elina algul end voodist lahti. Muud huvitavat ei olnud. Esimene tund oli graafika. Tegin oma linooliga 2 tõmmist. Seejärel läksin linna ema tööjuurde, lootes, et viimane juba seal on. Pidin tema käest järgmise tunni jaoks praktika lepingu võtma ja ka Elina maha jäetud telefoni. Jõudsin napilt täita lüngad oma lepingus enne selle kaitsmist. Kõik mõõdus hästi.
Täna olin Vallikraavi Veeralli ajal Suur Töll. Ürituse üks maskottidest. Teist aastat juba selles kostüümis. See aasta oli eriline, sest sain omale "naise" - Pireti. Üritus oli vahva. Kui autasustamine toimus, saime me "Piretiga" kahe peale espresso masina. See jääb arvatavasti dekoori, et järgmised kunstnikud saaksid turgutust peale pikki pidusid kui on vaja tundides pinke nühkida, aga silm ei seisa lahti, sest öösel "unustati" magada.
Peale selle ei olegi mul midagi lisada tänase päeva kohta. Ahjaa! Mul on tunne, et mu vanemad ei ole kursis, et ma homme kirjandit kirjutama lähen. Ulme. Ei hakka neile ütlema ka. Raudselt hakkavad veel moraali lugema ja pinda käime tekstiga, et miks sa end ette ei valmistanud jne. Lähen parem magama ja võtan asja rahulikult. Tuleb mis tuleb. Mina olen valmis.
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
i will survive
last night i went out with mr.C. we played some chess and had a mild conversation, nothing big or deep. just chit-chat. :D i won 2 times and let him win one game :P ...ego..
next thing i know the pub we were in was filled with our friends. there were 4 of them, surrounding us from every angle! they said that they had made plans and me & mr.C were in them. OK then! i'm in! (as usual)
so we went to play some pool and we were down to 4 people. (mr.c is a stupid name... his name is actually Crefy, but i call him - Cref) cref and alvin shot some pool, because they had the money. I and madis in the other hand... well, we didn't. so, as we kinda hanged around the table we came up with a game that we gracefully named: HOBO! name comes from the circling-around-the-table-and-checking-the-wholes-for-balls (like they were bottles in a garbage can) movement. it's fun to play.
next stop was a bench basically around the corner from the place we played HOBO in. we were so in to that theme of homeless guys, that we didn't care we had a warm place to go to. instead we chilled on a bench drinking scotish leader. whiskey like real hobos! so we drank and chatted and drank and chatted and suddenly it was 1:30 am.
in the morning i didn't feel good. i didn't get much sleep. sleeping is the kind of activity that has not been around lately. somehow i haven't slept enough so i feel tired all the time. NOW, this morning i mean, i also have a slight hangover and my stomach feels funny. i was pissed at myself. now i really felt like a bum. instead of walking to school, i asked my dad to take me there).
first class was the stupid-ass moronically hard "labor law" lead by an imbecile skinny senile old-fart lady like figurette that i despise in ways not imaginable by any living creature still breathing. three hours in her lesson is pure PAIN!! so... there i was, in her class, already pissed off cuz i am a stupid son-of-a-not-so-bitch asshole. why did i go drinking on tuesday?! she starts with a speech about this being the last lesson for us and there is a HUGE test ahead. *sigh* ok, that's ok. i can handle that?! (-.-) next thing that goes down in the classroom: "...lennart, your last test was a 2 (the grade F if you are american)". FUCK! i hate when something like this goes down! why today?! but it doesn't stop there!!! then my phone rings. it's my "head-teacher" Maila. (before i tell you more, you should understand that this lesson is hard to follow, even when that zombie explains things) "Len you have to go and give an interview to this local radio station. LIVE! you have to be there in an hour or so..." i was like WTF?! i knew that i have to give that speech about some local event sooner or later (thursday to be exact). WHY NOOOOOOOOW?!?! can't it wait?! i can not miss any of these tortuous classes!!!! ARGHH!!!
so, it's the first 15 minute brake after 1 and a half hours in hell and this "school advisor of interests" comes to me and one of my comrades trying to persuade us into going to that stupid radio station TODAY! (-.-) FU WOMAN! are you intentionally trying to fuck up my already hard enough day?! it supposed to be tomorrow! read my lips: TO-MORROW!
after gentle choice of words, using my magnificent skill of charisma, we politely told her to piss off. today is not the day!
and back in the hellhole we went. i guess it took the teacher about 20 minutes to get really angry at us. i don't blame her. i have to admit: it is a delicate subject and hard to follow, but some in our class don't even try! so she goes up in flames with something like
"either those who can't shut the hell up leave, or i leave..." after some silence i saw this isn't going anywhere and i'm not in the mood for any of this. i stood up to leave cuz i knew those who could not keep their pie-holes sealed would follow. i knew they would leave if someone stood up before them, they just lack the courage to stand up first. the teacher locked the door behind us. i waited others to go away and went behind the door to catch the rest of the lesson.
when i returned to the area of safety for artists in my school (a place we like to call Dekoor) everyone was in my face with the queen shite. "you have to meet the embassador... blablabla.. do this and that..." I'M HUNGRY! and then we argued a little about basically nothing. silence followed. and some evil looks. "ok that's it! i'm going to the cafeteria and eat something. call me if you need me..."
I got a chance to cool down. Alvin was eating next to me and i told him what had happened so far. after lunch i had a cigarette. sorry babe. i had to. i needed that.
i re-entered dekoor. feeling a little better. searching for shelter. millions of thoughts running around in my head. i felt numb. maila would not let me leave, because "the people of the queen should be here any minute now". riiiiight. i have to say, i actually needed support at that moment. i really did. unfortunately, the person who could have had given me that support was not around. i felt alone.
Suddenly, a few hours later :D, there they were. the important guys. we shook hands and said hello etc. talked about stuff and then the principal goes something like "..hey. there was a change of plans. we think it's better if one or two guys showed the queen the art rooms instead of having one guy in every room who knows the room best blablablabla..." after realizing that i was one of the guys who has to really get up close and personal with the queen, i felt... fear. disappointment. and i started fading in and out. i was really angry with them! too much responsibility. but at least the meeting ended well. with somewhat positive emotions.
next thing in my list was to get a new haircut. i had time to catch some breath and enjoy the delicate hands of a hairdresser. it helped a lot.*sigh* it's still hard..
and the last bit. this ivo-guy needs his menu covers today! fuck! yet again i feel suffocated by my surrounding. i can't think straight. i'm nervous, edgy, irritated by everything, i say things i don't mean. feels like i'm going crazy! how should i make the covers? every idea has sucked so far. this guy is depending on me!!! arghh! i talked to my girl who was worried. and it seems i insulted her in a way i didn't mean. i'm sorry girl. really sorry! it's hard for me to get a grip right now. words just fly out and the thing i said meant that i need you beside me in situations like this. i need someone to lean on. and because it's hard for me to just BE ME right now. this day has been filled with thoughts of you. you wouldn't imagine! every 2nd thought is about you. about how much i want you to be with me. i feel so puny. it's like a closed circle - one thing leads to another and the other way around.
but i will survive!
next thing i know the pub we were in was filled with our friends. there were 4 of them, surrounding us from every angle! they said that they had made plans and me & mr.C were in them. OK then! i'm in! (as usual)
so we went to play some pool and we were down to 4 people. (mr.c is a stupid name... his name is actually Crefy, but i call him - Cref) cref and alvin shot some pool, because they had the money. I and madis in the other hand... well, we didn't. so, as we kinda hanged around the table we came up with a game that we gracefully named: HOBO! name comes from the circling-around-the-table-and-checking-the-wholes-for-balls (like they were bottles in a garbage can) movement. it's fun to play.
next stop was a bench basically around the corner from the place we played HOBO in. we were so in to that theme of homeless guys, that we didn't care we had a warm place to go to. instead we chilled on a bench drinking scotish leader. whiskey like real hobos! so we drank and chatted and drank and chatted and suddenly it was 1:30 am.
in the morning i didn't feel good. i didn't get much sleep. sleeping is the kind of activity that has not been around lately. somehow i haven't slept enough so i feel tired all the time. NOW, this morning i mean, i also have a slight hangover and my stomach feels funny. i was pissed at myself. now i really felt like a bum. instead of walking to school, i asked my dad to take me there).
first class was the stupid-ass moronically hard "labor law" lead by an imbecile skinny senile old-fart lady like figurette that i despise in ways not imaginable by any living creature still breathing. three hours in her lesson is pure PAIN!! so... there i was, in her class, already pissed off cuz i am a stupid son-of-a-not-so-bitch asshole. why did i go drinking on tuesday?! she starts with a speech about this being the last lesson for us and there is a HUGE test ahead. *sigh* ok, that's ok. i can handle that?! (-.-) next thing that goes down in the classroom: "...lennart, your last test was a 2 (the grade F if you are american)". FUCK! i hate when something like this goes down! why today?! but it doesn't stop there!!! then my phone rings. it's my "head-teacher" Maila. (before i tell you more, you should understand that this lesson is hard to follow, even when that zombie explains things) "Len you have to go and give an interview to this local radio station. LIVE! you have to be there in an hour or so..." i was like WTF?! i knew that i have to give that speech about some local event sooner or later (thursday to be exact). WHY NOOOOOOOOW?!?! can't it wait?! i can not miss any of these tortuous classes!!!! ARGHH!!!
so, it's the first 15 minute brake after 1 and a half hours in hell and this "school advisor of interests" comes to me and one of my comrades trying to persuade us into going to that stupid radio station TODAY! (-.-) FU WOMAN! are you intentionally trying to fuck up my already hard enough day?! it supposed to be tomorrow! read my lips: TO-MORROW!
after gentle choice of words, using my magnificent skill of charisma, we politely told her to piss off. today is not the day!
and back in the hellhole we went. i guess it took the teacher about 20 minutes to get really angry at us. i don't blame her. i have to admit: it is a delicate subject and hard to follow, but some in our class don't even try! so she goes up in flames with something like
"either those who can't shut the hell up leave, or i leave..." after some silence i saw this isn't going anywhere and i'm not in the mood for any of this. i stood up to leave cuz i knew those who could not keep their pie-holes sealed would follow. i knew they would leave if someone stood up before them, they just lack the courage to stand up first. the teacher locked the door behind us. i waited others to go away and went behind the door to catch the rest of the lesson.
when i returned to the area of safety for artists in my school (a place we like to call Dekoor) everyone was in my face with the queen shite. "you have to meet the embassador... blablabla.. do this and that..." I'M HUNGRY! and then we argued a little about basically nothing. silence followed. and some evil looks. "ok that's it! i'm going to the cafeteria and eat something. call me if you need me..."
I got a chance to cool down. Alvin was eating next to me and i told him what had happened so far. after lunch i had a cigarette. sorry babe. i had to. i needed that.
i re-entered dekoor. feeling a little better. searching for shelter. millions of thoughts running around in my head. i felt numb. maila would not let me leave, because "the people of the queen should be here any minute now". riiiiight. i have to say, i actually needed support at that moment. i really did. unfortunately, the person who could have had given me that support was not around. i felt alone.
Suddenly, a few hours later :D, there they were. the important guys. we shook hands and said hello etc. talked about stuff and then the principal goes something like "..hey. there was a change of plans. we think it's better if one or two guys showed the queen the art rooms instead of having one guy in every room who knows the room best blablablabla..." after realizing that i was one of the guys who has to really get up close and personal with the queen, i felt... fear. disappointment. and i started fading in and out. i was really angry with them! too much responsibility. but at least the meeting ended well. with somewhat positive emotions.
next thing in my list was to get a new haircut. i had time to catch some breath and enjoy the delicate hands of a hairdresser. it helped a lot.*sigh* it's still hard..
and the last bit. this ivo-guy needs his menu covers today! fuck! yet again i feel suffocated by my surrounding. i can't think straight. i'm nervous, edgy, irritated by everything, i say things i don't mean. feels like i'm going crazy! how should i make the covers? every idea has sucked so far. this guy is depending on me!!! arghh! i talked to my girl who was worried. and it seems i insulted her in a way i didn't mean. i'm sorry girl. really sorry! it's hard for me to get a grip right now. words just fly out and the thing i said meant that i need you beside me in situations like this. i need someone to lean on. and because it's hard for me to just BE ME right now. this day has been filled with thoughts of you. you wouldn't imagine! every 2nd thought is about you. about how much i want you to be with me. i feel so puny. it's like a closed circle - one thing leads to another and the other way around.
but i will survive!
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
how to grab your own balls with your very own right foot
made myself a bracelet out of leather. it looks... middle-agey. loving it!
*a guy named ivo came to me about a week ago and asked me to make him some kind of covers for a menu. actually, i have to make 4 cover that are similar or look the same. they are for a competition. and i don't exactly know how or why, but i accepted. :S
so, now i have tried to make some different versions of the damn thing but nothing has worked out well enough yet. i have to try harder, but the situation has been made difficult, cuz guess who forgot the damn thing right after ivo had left and he needs those covers basicly... tomorrow?! *sigh* i hate when this happens. and it does happen alot to me. why do i keep doing this kind of things a moment before it's too late!? anyways, ivo is leaving on thursday so they have to be ready on wednesday. BUT! i and as it turns out, ivo as well, have this thing going on with the queen of holland or something. and it will basicly take the whole day (tomorrow). i can't let this guy down. he specificly asked for me, so i will make him "Menu Covers of the Century". damn right i will!
*in other news.. :D i miss you! (i understand this is getting old, but i really want you standing atleast next to me so i can feel your closenesness)
*weather: it's actually sunny and warm. looks like summer is FINALLY heading in our way!
mr.C is coming to pick me up and take me home from school. we will go out and play some chess.
i'm tired. i'm hungry. i'm len. i'm still hungry. i'm missing someone. but atleast i'm not wining about any of these things. to be honest, i feel quite modernate. i'm happy with myself at the moment. it is a rare moment ideed!
*SPORTS! ... fu
(by the way, the title has nothing to do with the post i just finished composing)
*a guy named ivo came to me about a week ago and asked me to make him some kind of covers for a menu. actually, i have to make 4 cover that are similar or look the same. they are for a competition. and i don't exactly know how or why, but i accepted. :S
so, now i have tried to make some different versions of the damn thing but nothing has worked out well enough yet. i have to try harder, but the situation has been made difficult, cuz guess who forgot the damn thing right after ivo had left and he needs those covers basicly... tomorrow?! *sigh* i hate when this happens. and it does happen alot to me. why do i keep doing this kind of things a moment before it's too late!? anyways, ivo is leaving on thursday so they have to be ready on wednesday. BUT! i and as it turns out, ivo as well, have this thing going on with the queen of holland or something. and it will basicly take the whole day (tomorrow). i can't let this guy down. he specificly asked for me, so i will make him "Menu Covers of the Century". damn right i will!
*in other news.. :D i miss you! (i understand this is getting old, but i really want you standing atleast next to me so i can feel your closenesness)
*weather: it's actually sunny and warm. looks like summer is FINALLY heading in our way!
mr.C is coming to pick me up and take me home from school. we will go out and play some chess.
i'm tired. i'm hungry. i'm len. i'm still hungry. i'm missing someone. but atleast i'm not wining about any of these things. to be honest, i feel quite modernate. i'm happy with myself at the moment. it is a rare moment ideed!
*SPORTS! ... fu
(by the way, the title has nothing to do with the post i just finished composing)
Len shave the queen
(don't mind the mistakes i have made)
here i am, in my school, in the teachers' room/cabinet wondering about things. everything is so syrreal. i sense this weird unreality around me. my heart, in the otherhand, is filled with joy. i miss you, darling! unfortunately i'm not ready to spill myself on the internet for everyone to see, allthough i wish everyone knew how i feel about You. *kisses*
about this syr part: a day ago i woke up from my bed, not alone. it felt good! the night before i made something special for us. it's been only a month?! in the morning though, the day was filled with emocions. that was because i knew she has to leave today. tried to hold her back as long as i could and that made her allmost miss the bus. skipping school was totally worth the day. after she left, i had to face my head-teacher. it went quite well actually. we talked about things and the teacher agreed on the fact that the day was woth skipping school. nice to have someone so understanding running the place.
anyway, this is where the thing get's weird. i was asked to show a section of our school to the queen of holland?! i guess it was holland, but i didn't pay much attenbtion, my mind was on someone else :P we'll see what will happen. tomorrow i have to practice for the reception.
i have to fininsh now. people around me have started to gather. privacy in need!!
here i am, in my school, in the teachers' room/cabinet wondering about things. everything is so syrreal. i sense this weird unreality around me. my heart, in the otherhand, is filled with joy. i miss you, darling! unfortunately i'm not ready to spill myself on the internet for everyone to see, allthough i wish everyone knew how i feel about You. *kisses*
about this syr part: a day ago i woke up from my bed, not alone. it felt good! the night before i made something special for us. it's been only a month?! in the morning though, the day was filled with emocions. that was because i knew she has to leave today. tried to hold her back as long as i could and that made her allmost miss the bus. skipping school was totally worth the day. after she left, i had to face my head-teacher. it went quite well actually. we talked about things and the teacher agreed on the fact that the day was woth skipping school. nice to have someone so understanding running the place.
anyway, this is where the thing get's weird. i was asked to show a section of our school to the queen of holland?! i guess it was holland, but i didn't pay much attenbtion, my mind was on someone else :P we'll see what will happen. tomorrow i have to practice for the reception.
i have to fininsh now. people around me have started to gather. privacy in need!!
Sunday, April 20, 2008
hands of a grandpa on a coach potato
ola! i have not made a post in a few days. that's because i was busy. really busy. i have a guest in my house(flat). she is in the shower right now. i finished a minute ago. now my hands look old as hell. i was in the shower longer than i usually sleep at weekends.
anyway, i don't have much to say at all. besides the fact that i had a party at my place yesterday and it sucked. i don't know exactly what i was hoping from that event, but what i got was "shite". thank god (i don't believe in him!) i had my precious with me. she fixed it :) thank you! right now i feel like i was on top of the world, NAKED! i feel no shame!!! :D actually, i am naked. i'm only wearing a towel that barely fits me. funny.
what did i do for the past few days? well, on friday, i spent half a day staring at the clock. cuz i was waiting for someone. did stuff... i actually had to ask my girlfriend (at first i accidentally wrote girlfiend. :D kinda looses it's meaning, doesn't it) . she said what we did, but i can't tell you because i could not remember it at first. ok, ok. we went to the castle park with some of my friends. we tried a cocktail (love that word ;P) with champagne and mango juice. we could not find any mango juice and so we went with a nectar. it was a major disappointment.
the next day, we visited the castle walls... no, not the walls, the other things between the castle itself and the moat. what ever... anyway we went there. we were at a high point, we could see far. it was a beautiful day, sunny and everything. we both enjoyed it, hopefully. next up was the party that did not go so well. stupid game. alias. a new version that everyone hates because it is IMPOSSIBLE! -.-
now, here i am. my hand being sucked and my hair still wet. i should go outside for a moment to get some fresh air and get us a Dr. Pepper! + i would like to see the sun. :D haven't bothered myself in to going outside yet. what a coach potato i am.
anyway, i don't have much to say at all. besides the fact that i had a party at my place yesterday and it sucked. i don't know exactly what i was hoping from that event, but what i got was "shite". thank god (i don't believe in him!) i had my precious with me. she fixed it :) thank you! right now i feel like i was on top of the world, NAKED! i feel no shame!!! :D actually, i am naked. i'm only wearing a towel that barely fits me. funny.
what did i do for the past few days? well, on friday, i spent half a day staring at the clock. cuz i was waiting for someone. did stuff... i actually had to ask my girlfriend (at first i accidentally wrote girlfiend. :D kinda looses it's meaning, doesn't it) . she said what we did, but i can't tell you because i could not remember it at first. ok, ok. we went to the castle park with some of my friends. we tried a cocktail (love that word ;P) with champagne and mango juice. we could not find any mango juice and so we went with a nectar. it was a major disappointment.
the next day, we visited the castle walls... no, not the walls, the other things between the castle itself and the moat. what ever... anyway we went there. we were at a high point, we could see far. it was a beautiful day, sunny and everything. we both enjoyed it, hopefully. next up was the party that did not go so well. stupid game. alias. a new version that everyone hates because it is IMPOSSIBLE! -.-
now, here i am. my hand being sucked and my hair still wet. i should go outside for a moment to get some fresh air and get us a Dr. Pepper! + i would like to see the sun. :D haven't bothered myself in to going outside yet. what a coach potato i am.
Wednesday, April 16, 2008
the opening of an exhibition and a butler
here i am, home at last!
what a day! there was this opening of an exhibition where i went with my friends and stuffed my face full of sweets, chips and juice. i felt so naughty. but everyone was doing it!
after that we yet again hit the castle park for another round of beer'n'stuff, but i didn't drink beer. i had some SAKE! the real thing! just a zip for tasting, but still SAKE! for your information: I don't drink anymore. well, not at least like i used to.
after that i pretty much spent time in a basement playing my bass guitar. my (our, cuz i don't own them) band was allso there, but... is that important? HELL YES! they are very-very important. like pie! we did some cool stuff today, so i feel good!
oh yes! what a surprise i found at that mess hall where the opening of an exhibition took place. we were just leaving. there was this poster at which we stared and laughed. there were some ill-named bands on there. suddenly one of my friend points out the name of my band. ON THAT POSTER! GOING ON STAGE ON 2nd of may! WTF?! how did i not notice that?! then everyone started laughing... i was like (-.-) "what? ... " . i was shocked! this means, that i can't go to my girl in Tallinn on that weekend. i had everything planned out so well and... damn it! how can thing turn out like this? now i'm a bit sad because this makes things more difficult than they already are. wish i had my own personal jet... and a butler
what a day! there was this opening of an exhibition where i went with my friends and stuffed my face full of sweets, chips and juice. i felt so naughty. but everyone was doing it!
after that we yet again hit the castle park for another round of beer'n'stuff, but i didn't drink beer. i had some SAKE! the real thing! just a zip for tasting, but still SAKE! for your information: I don't drink anymore. well, not at least like i used to.
after that i pretty much spent time in a basement playing my bass guitar. my (our, cuz i don't own them) band was allso there, but... is that important? HELL YES! they are very-very important. like pie! we did some cool stuff today, so i feel good!
oh yes! what a surprise i found at that mess hall where the opening of an exhibition took place. we were just leaving. there was this poster at which we stared and laughed. there were some ill-named bands on there. suddenly one of my friend points out the name of my band. ON THAT POSTER! GOING ON STAGE ON 2nd of may! WTF?! how did i not notice that?! then everyone started laughing... i was like (-.-) "what? ... " . i was shocked! this means, that i can't go to my girl in Tallinn on that weekend. i had everything planned out so well and... damn it! how can thing turn out like this? now i'm a bit sad because this makes things more difficult than they already are. wish i had my own personal jet... and a butler
"i think i have the key..."
yesterday i left school without checking for my keys. i left them in to the lock of my closet in the art classroom. when i reached my home door i had to call my sis for her to come home and let me in. after finishing the trip with mr.C i allso used my sis as the key to let me in. but now! everyone has left home, the door is locked, and I CAN'T GET OUT!! HOW CAN I BE SO STUPID??!! at least i have some good friends who will unlock me and take me to school... :P stupid, huh?!
Good morning Estonia!
Wait a little, my food is in the microwave....
Ok, i'm here.
I woke up around nine (GMT +2) feeling sober, but somewhere between really tired and mildly high on crack. Yes i had some drinks yesterday, so what!? I didn't even get drunk. and i have a pretty good reason for that. and i guess that reason probably reads this blog.
So, I woke up naked (as usual), i have not brushed my teeth yesterday nor have i washed myself. hair messed up and looking like a freaking eagle had made my hair into it's home! eyes, the eyes... well, i already said felt like i was high, so you know how the eyes are. my room looks like hell, literally! clothes in piles on the floor, stuff all over the place and it's as dark as in the darkest depths of hell. PLUS! i really need a shave... I actually managed to skip my first class, but no worries, I did my stuff (and right now, for a second i accidentally wrote "dodo" instead "did" and started laughing out loud) yesterday. and now, i'm still home, eating in front of the PC (thing i usually don't do so early, but i'm so excited about this blog thing), and feeling weird.
(some time passes)
I have stared emptily in to the monitor for five minutes now. Guess i'm out of ideas. *sigh*
I'm feeling lonely. I need my special person, my secret right next to me. 'miss you, girl.
(another five minutes passed)
Oh yeah!!! forgot to tell you about yesterday (i actually have a problem with the word "yesterday", i want to write it like "yesturday", so if i do make that mistake, or any other for that matter, please forgive me. having said that, a song containing "please forgive me.." in it's lyrics started haunting me. i don't know who sings it!).
Well, yestUrday we went to the castle park for drinks, just sat on the grass and had some beer'n'stuff. it's something we do, it's our thing. it went like usual, but we were then longer than before (in this year). Usually we leave somwhere around nine, but yesterday we left at 10 something (pm). but instead of going home, i met up with my best friend - let's call him C. yes, mr.C. so we went for a drive. had some hot-dogs and that's about it. i would be more specific but i have to get dressed. school starts in 20 minutes! and the text is boring anyway. i write my blogs "not-so-short" cuz i want to fill the emptiness i have on this page.
have a wonderful day!
Ok, i'm here.
I woke up around nine (GMT +2) feeling sober, but somewhere between really tired and mildly high on crack. Yes i had some drinks yesterday, so what!? I didn't even get drunk. and i have a pretty good reason for that. and i guess that reason probably reads this blog.
So, I woke up naked (as usual), i have not brushed my teeth yesterday nor have i washed myself. hair messed up and looking like a freaking eagle had made my hair into it's home! eyes, the eyes... well, i already said felt like i was high, so you know how the eyes are. my room looks like hell, literally! clothes in piles on the floor, stuff all over the place and it's as dark as in the darkest depths of hell. PLUS! i really need a shave... I actually managed to skip my first class, but no worries, I did my stuff (and right now, for a second i accidentally wrote "dodo" instead "did" and started laughing out loud) yesterday. and now, i'm still home, eating in front of the PC (thing i usually don't do so early, but i'm so excited about this blog thing), and feeling weird.
(some time passes)
I have stared emptily in to the monitor for five minutes now. Guess i'm out of ideas. *sigh*
I'm feeling lonely. I need my special person, my secret right next to me. 'miss you, girl.
(another five minutes passed)
Oh yeah!!! forgot to tell you about yesterday (i actually have a problem with the word "yesterday", i want to write it like "yesturday", so if i do make that mistake, or any other for that matter, please forgive me. having said that, a song containing "please forgive me.." in it's lyrics started haunting me. i don't know who sings it!).
Well, yestUrday we went to the castle park for drinks, just sat on the grass and had some beer'n'stuff. it's something we do, it's our thing. it went like usual, but we were then longer than before (in this year). Usually we leave somwhere around nine, but yesterday we left at 10 something (pm). but instead of going home, i met up with my best friend - let's call him C. yes, mr.C. so we went for a drive. had some hot-dogs and that's about it. i would be more specific but i have to get dressed. school starts in 20 minutes! and the text is boring anyway. i write my blogs "not-so-short" cuz i want to fill the emptiness i have on this page.
have a wonderful day!
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Oh well...
this is my fist blog entry. Hmm... and i have nothing to write?! just testing the damn thing out before the real ACTION begins. Hope i don't mess anything up. and or get banner for my blogger name. don't ask me where that came from, just a flash. anyways, i think i could get used to this kind of typing-my-stuff-for-everyone-to-see thing that all of you have going on here so well. only fear is, that i might be a bit boring. i just might be. not sure. not a big writer u know?! and stuff i do are hardly interesting for others. maybe if i wrote down and uploaded my dreams? yeah! that's a cool idea!
Oh yes! i forgot, i have ignored my girlfriend for quite some time now. got a bit carried away. well, she has to wait, it was her idea anyway! but i like it! remind me to say thanks to her when i continue communication with her on msn.
After finishing the last bit, i feel cold-hearted! i have to talk to her now! she has waited enough... and i need to talk to her too, but i'm a man! and men can bare separation from their sweethearts longer that women! NOT! i can't take it anymore, i have to publish my FIRST PEACE OF ART! and by the way, that was her third nudge to me.. see ya!
Oh yes! i forgot, i have ignored my girlfriend for quite some time now. got a bit carried away. well, she has to wait, it was her idea anyway! but i like it! remind me to say thanks to her when i continue communication with her on msn.
After finishing the last bit, i feel cold-hearted! i have to talk to her now! she has waited enough... and i need to talk to her too, but i'm a man! and men can bare separation from their sweethearts longer that women! NOT! i can't take it anymore, i have to publish my FIRST PEACE OF ART! and by the way, that was her third nudge to me.. see ya!
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